towards my final journey

A day will come when I will have to bid adieu
To all those who are near and dear
Bidding farewell not to relocate
But to leave here and meet fate.

When the hourglass of my life
Ticks towards the final journey
I wonder how prepared I should be
Who and what can I take and leave?

Will my love come along with me
Will my siblings or kids give me company
Will I have to be alone in the final journey
When my soul leaves behind the body?

Will the jewels and wealth be of any need
Or will the attires I had be of any use
Will I have to leave behind my lovely house
And all that I had prized along with my spouse?

Will the anger I sometimes showed
Over power the love I had showered
Will there be some cherished memories
Or remembered of my great follies

I know I would not need jewels or wealth
Nor would I need house or the clothes I held
For life is short and full of surprises
And we are left with no choices.

I realize that all I want before I leave
Are some fond memories and happy thoughts
By leading a life filled with joy and cheer
And be remembered by all I hold dear.

Friendship is what we did share
Relationship so very genuine and rare
And then some acts I began to misdo
Too late when I began to rue.

A jealous feeling engulfed me
For I wanted friends to be close to me
And so I tied an invisible rope
Binding them, and not able to cope.

Writhing very much, heart filled with pain
And yet from me they did not refrain
Waiting patiently for me to understand
That friendship sans any type of band.

Fool that I was I failed to get the message
Bind I did tighten, and created a slippage.
Endurance power they seemed to lose
And soon to me they bid their adieus.

I stand all alone looking at the horizon
Because of the folly never to be undone.
Filling my heart with feelings of jealousy
Losing everything, I wander aimlessly.

To my mother

As I entered my mother’s place

I felt a shiver run down my spine
Waiting were you inside the ice box
For your son to have a glimpse of you.

Your face showing a look of serene
As if under the caress of gentle sleep
Decades of pain you went through
Now you are released from all sorrow.

Kith and kin paid their condolences
Crying out loud - why you had to leave
And this ma makes me wonder
Are you aware of the love they shower?

Their heart filled with gratitude
Your generosity they had forever valued
For even in times of pain all day through
You invited them with a loving smile

It hurts a lot to let you go
But we were given no other choice
And then I feel you sent a smile
A smile that says I am with you.

A whisper too you send to me
Telling us not to grieve
For you have joined dad above
To shower us with eternal love.

The blind beggar

Seated on a bus by the window side
I saw him climb up with cane as aide
His eyes covered with dark glasses
He extends the bowl to the masses.

Tapping his cane he reaches each seat
Saddening the travellers at his pitiable plight,
Into his bowl the coins find the way
He profusely thanks and moves away.

The driver returns to start the bus
We shout out to him in chorus
Helping the blind man climb down
Happy we feel to erase his frown.

As the bus moves, I happen to notice
A Change in our blind man’s status
Dark glasses his face sans
And the cane waving in his hands.

Laughing heartily as I look by
He bids me a barbed goodbye
From the bowl he counts the coins
Moving ahead his group he joins.

The manipulated lot

None to care or show concern
Different places they stand to earn
Be it temple entrance or street side
Garbage bins or station platforms they reside.

Some blind, some dumb too
Sick to the core, their numbers accrue
Some handless, yet some on crutches
Their face is marked by wrinkles and creases.

Tapping at your car window
You see a face filled with sorrow
Eyes that sunk deep by starvation
Dishevelled revealing poverty-stricken

As you lower down the window pane
You notice her with kid deep in pain
She says, "hungry ma for many days
A little mercy would show some ways."

Suddenly you see her face turn in fear
Her emotions seem totally unclear
Turning towards the direction of her eyes
You see a man one would sure despise.

The sad plight of these beggars
Is revealed when they hand over
What they earned by way of begging
To the ruffian, without thinking.

Taking away the lion’s share
He moves away as they stare
And meekly the beggars go their way
For tomorrow they face another hard day.

Irony of human mind

A snippet of what I watched on TV in some comedy channel.

Let us name him Mr. X
Mr. X arrives in a village……with not a penny in his hand and no idea of how to make a living. Moving around the village he notices the villagers to be real simpletons. An idea flashes across his mind and he is all set to put it into action.

A crowd is gathered around him. Two men, of which one happens to be a Brahmin see the crowds flocking around him and go near to find out what it is about. They hear Mr. X shouting – Rs.100 for the darshan of God, Rs.100/- for the darshan of God. So this Brahmin asks him if it is real. Mr. says, if God does not give darshan he would return the amount as Rs.200/- Our Brahmin friend shells out Rs.100/-. All are asked to assemble near the hill top. The D day dawns and the crowd throng around Mr.X again and put their doubt to him. Mr. X now more confident says if God does not give darshan, he would return not just Rs.200/- but Rs.2000/- This makes the people believe him more and all wait for the darshan of the God. Suddenly Mr. X screams – Oh my Lord you did not fail me amidst these villagers. Thanks to you Lord that you have given your darshan today. One man says he is not able to have the vision of God and immediately Mr. X says – Oh poor man, it is because your wife has sinned and been unfaithful to you that you are not able to have the darshan of God. Suddenly the Brahmin also shouts out – Yes Lord I see you, I see you. When asked by his friend he says, it is better to lie than put his wife to shame. And immediately, all the villagers praise the Lord, for having given them his Divya Darshan.
Mr. X quietly leaves the place his hands full of money. He remarks – so long as there are such foolish people living, it would never be hard to earn money.

There is hardly any comedy in this snippet. All along it says the worst nature of mankind. Their views about God, their thoughts to cheat on innocent people and their ideas about defaming women folk, all along it is a negative notion.

The jest about having the darshan of God shows the length to which human beings can portray themselves. We stoop too low in our attitudes by using God’s name and cheating out the innocent people/simpleton. And the villagers who are most willing to pretend having seen something that they in reality have not and in that process prove that they have not sinned shows the height of foolishness inherent in them.

This reminded me of the story – The Emperor’s New Clothes.

Where exactly are we heading to by this lowly act of ours? A sure sign of making people move farther away from believing and trusting in God.
I searched for you My Lord almost everywhere. So desperate was I to see you and know you that I failed to search the place where you actually reside. I realized my foolishness and searched for you inside me and there I found you waiting and smiling at me as if asking why it took me so long to reach you.

The Lord dwells in every heart. So if you desire to win the Lord's pleasure, just do not cause hurt to any one's heart. Shanti Vachan Bhandar, 21.

"God is within you, and that which is within you is subject to self-realization. No one can show God to anyone else. One has to independently realize his real self; thereby he realizes the self of all, which is called God. In the state of ignorance, the student thinks that God is a particular being, and he wants to see that being exactly as he sees something in the external world. It never happens. But when he realizes that God is truth and practices truth in action and speech, then his ignorance about the nature of God disappears and self-realization dawns. Swami Rama (2001). Living with the Himalayan Masters, P.64. "

When the morning dawns

The Sun sends out its first ray
Giving us two options
Either feel happy or sulk entire day.

Today is a gift from god to you
Wrapped with love and happiness
A day one would never have ever again
Once missed we can never regain.

Or if you want to sulk all day long
Go ahead do it if it pleases you
But remember you sure would be
Not just a loner in life, but a loser too.

That is what those would face
Their lovely face devoid of smile
Choice is yours dear mankind
So says the Almighty.

Yesterday is gone, do not rue
And tomorrow will never come
But today is right before you
Enjoy it before it slips right through.

Smile through the day
For it costs you nothing
It brings happiness not only to you
But to those near and dear too.

Religion Conversion

There was a time when Hindus, especially the downtrodden classes were forced to convert their religion by the Christians. This was an easy task due to the ill treatment meted out to them by the upper class Hindus and at such times, the Christians offered solace.

Now it is the vice versa. The Hindus are forcing Christians to convert religion and that too with threaten of death if failed to do so. These Christians do convert their religion and to identify themselves as Hindus, they either shave their heads or wear a swastika symbol around their neck. Do they think that by just converting into Hindus and wearing the Hindu symbol around their neck…these converted Christians are Hindus now. Does not the heart and mind have any say in this. The lips might chant the Hindu mantras. The rituals performed might be that of Hindus, but Jesus is who is in their hearts. Why not let them be so? What are the Hindus trying to prove by forcing Hinduism on them? That they are superior, that they are the supreme beings. That Hinduism is the BEST RELIGION? What does it matter to them as to the religion that is being followed? Do they not realize that by forcing Hinduism on Christian, all that they are inculcating is hatred for the religion? Does not an individual have the right to follow his/her religion? That which brings peace to my mind and heart is the one I should follow, not the one that brings tension or hatred to my heart.

What to call such an act on part of the Hindus? Is it stupidity, or is it foolishness on their part? Or is it better to address this act as insanity and cruel mindedness? Why does it not strike to those who are performing such an act that this thing brings out the cheap-minded thoughts and actions that demean this religion?

Waking up to better days in our lives with no hatred but love for each other as an individual should be the motto. After all what is this thing called religion – something created by man only. Follow the simple rule of Live and Let Live. Be there for each other as and when the need arises. Shower love to one and all. Just remember there is someone high above all of us, The Supreme Creator.

Pay tips or else – the threat looming at almost every household people when they receive the refilled cylinder. Booking and receiving LPG cylinders has become a big problem. Almost each household is met with unreasonable demand from the boys who deliver the cylinder.
I narrate some instances that I happened to witness:
Having shifted our residence from Mumbai to Chennai in the year 1996, our first job was to get the cylinder connection in Chennai. We went to the nearest dealer and got all the paper work done. We then enquired as to when we would get the cylinder. He said we could either take it along with us or wait for three days. We decided to take the two cylinders along with us and paid him for two cylinders. The person in charge asked us to give him Rs.5/- extra per cylinder. When asked why he said, it was towards charges for delivering the cylinder. Charges for delivering, but we are taking them ourselves, my husband shot back. So what he said. When he realized after some arguments that he would not be paid, he said if that is the case, we could come and collect our cylinders each time in future also. He made it clear that he would ensure the cylinders would not be delivered at our place in the future. So be it said my husband and we returned home. Though he did not enforce his threat I had to concede the insistent demands made by the delivery boy by paying him extra over the normal charges for cylinder.
When my neighbor had her cylinder brought after a delay of more than a week, she had this to contend with. When she handed over Rs.345/-, Rs.6/- more than the price of Rs.338/95, he demanded Rs.5/- more. When asked why, he said Rs.10 was the charge that they were collecting for delivering a cylinder. When she refused, he returned the Rs.6/- asking her to keep the tips to herself or shell out Rs.10/- as his delivering charges. Fearing future problems of delayed delivery of cylinder or being given a half-used cylinder, my neighbor paid the tips as demanded by the delivery boy.
Her fears are not unfounded since these boys do create problems by not delivering the cylinder due to the concerned people.
When asked why they are demanding tips when told it is not allowed, the cylinder delivery boy say they are forced to collect tips since their employer has not been paying their salary for the past few months. And that their daily living depends wholly on the tips that they get. These delivery boys do ensure they get what they consider is their legitimate share.
There was another incident when I was told that I would be receiving the cylinder in 4 days time. Not receiving my cylinder even after a week had lapsed I called the dealer and was told that the cylinder has already been sent. The same response came from the storehouse also. And yet, I had not received the cylinder. When there was no sign of the cylinder reaching me, I went to their office and demanded an explanation. The person there had the cheek to tell me that I probably did not receive the cylinder as I had refused to pay tips to them before. I showed him the invoice and asked why is it typed out in bold and red "DO NOT GIVE ANY TIPS TO THE BOYS." And why have they put so prominently in the notice board that salary for the delivery boys have been increased and so tips are not to be entertained? He said that it was just for compliance and I should not give importance to all those. And I still could choose to either pay them the tips or just let go and wait for the cylinder to come. However he did assure me that I would receive the cylinder in the afternoon. I did too. And I had to shell out their rightful tips.
There are some smart boys who sell cylinders to people willing to pay extra, not just tips but something more than Rs.25 to Rs.50 per cylinder. This happened during a shradham at my mother’s place. My mother had to pay Rs.25/- extra plus their regular tips besides the original cylinder rate. It is wrong I know, since someone is waiting for the cylinder elsewhere. But that is exactly how these people manipulate.
The delivery boy had the nerve to sell the cylinder that was to be delivered at my place to someone else. And few days later he brought me the cylinder and said it was not necessary to sign the receipt, as it was not compulsory. Later I realized the reason was because my receipt had already been signed and handed over back to the agency.
It sure is a considerate thought to pay some extra amount to these delivery boys, who bring these heavy cylinders withstanding the heat and rain. But insisting that the consumers have to pay them tips and deciding amongst themselves on what amount to be paid puts off even those who are willing to be considerate. The delivery boys follow this policy. "Pay the tips or else face the consequence of not receiving the cylinder. Choice is yours."
Though this is not consumer friendly, we just give in to their demands thereby facing a literally helpless situation.

My driving lessons

Sitting beside my husband and watching him steering the car with such effortless ease, I developed an instant desire to do likewise. How wonderful it would be if I could also drive so well, I thought. When I expressed my wish to my husband, he readily agreed to teach me. The very next day before he made me hold the steering wheel he taught me the ABC’s (accelerator, break, and clutch) of car driving. Only after some more theory lessons and quizzing me, he let me start the car ignition. Nervous and excited I put the gear in 1st position and pressed the accelerator. A sudden jerk and phut went the car abruptly. Baffled I turned towards my smiling husband who told me to let the clutch slowly and press the accelerator equally slowly when giving the car a start. After a few trials and testing the patience of my husband…the car started to roll. Even as I was getting instructions as to when to change the gears etc, I soon felt I had learnt it all and was happy that I could drive the car like he did when his hysterical and sudden shout brought me back to reality. He was frantically pointing to a large herd of buffaloes casually moving towards the car with reckless insouciance. Oh wow what an audience I thought for a moment. I stopped the vehicle waiting for them to pass the car and give me unrestricted space to move ahead. As we drove on we saw a man a little away walking on the middle of the road as if the entire road belonged to him. My repeated pressing of the horn had little effect on him with no indication from him to make way for the car. Seated beside me my husband told me, "The control of car is in your hands. The road ahead is not only for you but for other careless users also…make sure you don’t hit the vehicle on anybody. And if you do so, be clear that I would not be accompanying you to the police station." Newly married and not knowing whether he was serious or making a jest I gave a wide berth to the man on the road and managed to reach safely back home with the thought that there goes my dream to dust.
Few years later…an opportunity came for me to learn car driving. My friend and I found a driving school and enrolled our names there. After paying the initial deposit of Rs.1000/- each, we were thrilled when the tutor came with a tiny battered Maruti car the next day. My friend wanted to be the first to sit in the driver’s seat and we had the car moving with very little difficulty in starting it. She drove the car with no hurdle for a few kilometers and on our return I took to the wheel. I was immensely pleased when the tutor asked me if I had driven the car earlier and I was just refreshing my driving lessons.
The 2nd day was equally thrilling. More so because we found that the road was left entirely for us to enjoy and we could move without the fear of hurting anyone. My friend drove onward and I drove on return. The third day he took the same route. And this time we noticed that the petrol tank was on the verge of becoming empty. We did not enquire. But when it was the same in the following two days with the petrol level touching the red mark, we asked the tutor if we would be able to drive down both ways with the scanty petrol. He said there was no problem whatsoever and we could drive long distance with that level of petrol. This went on for five days with us picking our driving and theory lessons. On the sixth day he sent one of his drivers to teach us. This driver being smart said he would help us learn to drive a car earlier than the 22 days schedule provided we brought our own car and willing to pay him extra. Not interested to do so we declined politely. Three classes later neither our tutor nor his driver turned up. Upset at the delay in our becoming the proud owners of a driving license, all our efforts to contact him over the mobile failed. Assuming he might not be feeling well or so, we took an auto to the driving school only to find it closed. On enquiry we were shocked to know that Suvidha Driving School has been closed and the owner had left for his native place forever a few days back.
Disheartened we decided to take out our cars on alternate days and complete the lessons on our own. Luckily our husbands wholeheartedly supported the idea. So when I drove my car my friend became my tutor and when she drove the car I became her tutor. We slowly moved ahead driving around our colony and the nearby roads. When we became a little more confident we took our car to the main roads. It was just a matter of a few days before we obtained the license from the authorities.
Thrilled at having learnt most of driving by ourselves, and eagerly waiting to show my husband my driving skills, I took him in the car to the nearby Ayyapa temple. Receiving compliments from my husband, I felt I was in heaven.
I got an opportunity soon to showcase this skill of mine to my in-laws too when we drove down to Bangalore. Oh god! Was it not exciting and memorable to take to highway. And it gave me great joy when my co-sister asked me to give her driving lessons.
But not accustomed to driving car regularly, my skill seems to have slept now.
And the fact that learning to drive a car has been done without the help of a good tutor, there is some hesitancy to go ahead. So I know I need to refresh my driving skills and so am waiting for a good tutor to help me achieve the same.