Atonement
I am punished for a mistake - a mistake that I never knew existed nor aware that I had committed. If I have done it, I do want to atone for the same and reform. That sure is not difficult.
But I also want to ensure that I don't commit the same or something similar, ever again in life. How am I supposed to go about that?

PS:This post does not relate to some mistake that I have committed. This has been a thought that has been in my mind for quite sometime now. How to correct myself from a mistake that is invisible?

Trust
Necessity to provide for his family for the present and future made him go out of his hometown to earn the living bread. Now with enough to take care of the needs for the future, he returned home.

She had been waiting for him. She had involved herself in social service activities during his absence. When he returned back to his hometown, he joined hands with her and together they dedicated their time to serving the needy. Be it orphanages, old age homes or any such institutions, they involved themselves totally. Not to forget the campaigning for blood donation. A loss of child in their life due to non availability of blood at the time of need was the reason behind their intensity in this particular activity.

Happy and loving pair they were. But life took a drastic turn when she started falling sick very frequently. Assuming it to be just exhaustion due to rigorous activity, she just ignored her health. But it kept deteriorating. Soon his health too began to show a downward slope. Sensing something amiss, they had a thorough check up and that turned to be a threatening storm in their lives. Both were tested positive for AIDS. And by then it had reached its peak. It was eating them away.But what was taking their life faster than the disease happened to be the doubts that began to crawl its way into their minds.

She had this nagging doubt on him – he had been away for quite some time – and that too at a very young age, what if the physical needs overpowered and he relented to it.
He doubted her – having been away for quite some time, she had involved herself in social work. But in the process she had made good friends with many men. What if she had given in to the need s of physical pleasure?

A happy life soon took a drastic turn. If only they had expressed their doubts to each other or at least to a common friend. Their last few days were just miserable. Writing off their hard earned wealth to charity organisations, both breathed their last. Their last few days were spent hating each other just because mind created a nasty havoc in their lives.

If only they had remembered the blood donation camp that they had assisted. The camp wherein they had fought a case against the institution for using syringes that were not disposable nor was there indication of it having been sterilised properly.
But alas, they were filled with so much suspicion against each other that they became blind to what might have happened in their life.

“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy” – Walter Anderson

Love

It was more than a year now since he had left his home. Bound by duty to the nation, he had to leave his newly married bride.

She remembered vividly that day. She was busy in the kitchen preparing his favorite dishes to celebrate one month of their married life. He was on the phone. A few minutes later she felt him come behind her. An act she was used to these days. From behind he hugged her. The hug seemed to tell her much more and instantly she turned to face him. Her hands around his neck she looked up and saw a sad face.
I have to report to duty in two days he said. And he had left soon after.

Their only communication was through letters. She held this letter close to her heart. He would be home this Saturday he had written. Eagerly she waited the day of his arrival. The sound of taxi near her house entrance made her run to the balcony. She felt butterflies in her heart as she him alight from the taxi and enter home. She rushed to him but stopped a feet away. Not sure how to proceed she just smiled and took the luggage from his hand. During the day he spoke to her of various things that happened during this one year at the border. She listenend intently. She sensed his happiness in being back home.

Feeling tired he excused himself after dinner and went straight to bed. Within seconds he was fast asleep. Finishing her day's work she switched off the lights and went to her room. She slid on to her side of the bed. She recalled how she used to lie in his arms, but that was a year ago she thought. Hesitantly she placed her arms across him. She removed them when he moved. As he turned towards her she saw the lovely smile that she had been missing. Snuggling close to him she went into the arms that he held open for her. Now she felt no inhibitions. In his embrace she felt peace and secure. This is where she belongs, she knew. Smiling, she drifted off to a beautiful sleep with him beside her.

Ambulance and the traffic

the siren from the ambulance was shrill...
depicting urgency and emergency
yet none of the vehicles gave way for the ambulance....
with a lot of difficulty the driver managed to manoeuver
and reached the traffic signal
ambulance are given a green signal though the traffic signal shows red
and with the ailing person it shot through the traffic
and those who refused to give way to the ambulance
took advantage of the ambulance ahead
following it they just jumped the red signal
and the traffic policeman just watched

wow Indian traffic is truly atrocious

The beautiful girl

His love for her was just unmeasurable. A single tear in her eyes and he would be lost totally.
A cherubic face that used to greet him each passing day was now filled with sadness beyond compare. A situation as such brought around by the fact that she could never enjoy the bliss of motherhood.
Time passed, but she just could not come out of that sadness. Unable to see her sad face, he engulfed himself in his office work. He was away out of town on tours way too frequently of late. She did seem to notice a slight change in his behavior, but did nothing about it, being filled with her own sorrow.

He could have confided in her about a decision he was about to make. A decision which he was sure would bring the happiness and cheer in their life. A decision which he felt she would accept when he reasoned it out to her, but it needed some time.

He was expected today from his tour. She received a call in the afternoon from him. He requested her to get ready to receive a beautiful girl he had met. That he had fallen in love with her and felt she too would accept her. Like any other woman, a sudden plunge of jealous feeling filled her heart. Who could it be, she wondered?

As per his request she had everything arranged at home for their arrival. 6 pm he had said. It was only 5 pm. She freshened herself up and draped herself in a peacock blue saree he had gifted her soon after their marriage. She looked at herself in the mirror, the beauty in her face was not lost. Then why she pondered. The events of the past few months flashed before her eyes and she felt she was responsible for neglecting him. Now nothing could be done. Or could it she wondered.
At 6 pm sharp, he rang the doorbell. Not receiving any response, he tugged the door with his leg and was surprised when it threw open. With the beautiful girl in his arms he entered the threshold of his house. The house was beautifully decorated. Filled with appreciation for her in his heart he called out to her. No response. Where could she be he wondered. He went towards his bedroom. He knew the beautiful girl's smile is sure to capture her heart. His heart skipped a beat when he saw her lying on the bed. She looked beautiful. And he felt happy to see there was no sign of sadness in her face now. In fact he saw the cherubic face he was used to. A smile rose in his lips as he neared her. The flutter of a paper on the bedside table made him turn towards the night lamp. There was a note addressed to him. “I am sure she would keep you happy dear, she had written”. The soft giggle and the tiny legs kicking him brought him out of his stupor.

Good role models to our children - Are we???

The summer vacations are slowly coming to an end. Children of all age groups enjoying the happy hours of breaking rules and restrictions imposed otherwise. But what exactly are the rules and restrictions that is alright to break. No studies – agreed. Extra television viewing hours – not bad. Extra play hours....of course permission granted wholeheartedly.
This particular restriction broken though seemed really unfair. Returning home after picking up my son from his summer class, I was dumbstruck to notice a child – all of 10 years or so riding a herohonda access....and on another day was this child...looking still younger and riding a tvs scooty. The feet of these children hardly reach down to the ground.
What are the parents doing I wonder? Do they not even have an inkling of what their children are upto? Have they exhausted ways to keep the children occupied during the holidays. Or are they gloating over the fact that their children at such tender age are able to handle the vehicles on a busy road? The worst thing here is even the traffic policeman turns a blind eye to what is happening on the road. When accidents happen, we run helter skelter to the police station and hospital. Not knowing how to overcome the situation, we just either yell at the child who ends up in the police custody sometimes or pour the tears out if the child is in the hospital. All such action, but for few days after which the children are allowed to go ahead doing the same thing again. At such times I just feel we are the worst role models to our children.

Last night...it was just beautiful standing and enjoying the lovely breeze in our balcony and in the early hours of the morning....say abt 1 am it looked like there was someone lighting crackers across the sky....so beautiful was the lightnings and as accompaniment by way of sound was the thunder and looked like the clouds were enthralled with the beauty and as a sign of appreciation opened out such heavy showers....so beautiful it was.

Well powersupply got cut for around 1 hour in the early hours of the morning...but still it was not hot or sultry. And in the morning when I went to our balcony ....the sight that greeted me was so beautiful....all the trees and plants enjoying the wonderful breeze and looking fresh after having had a wonderful bath in the lovely rains... hmm it is still raining....and it is really really cool now...swaying and bowing, greeting with gratitude to the beautiful mother earth....was the greenery around.

Politician or God

The order in which the choice is given itself is not right. Well...let's see.
We have a temple dedicated to Goddess Kali just opposite our apartments. On all Fridays, the temple incharge takes it upon himself to play songs praising the Goddess. And so like an alarm it screeches in the early hours of every Friday. He is kind enough to switch it off by around 10 am and ensures he plays them again by 4 pm.
It was the wee hours of today morning. I was planning to treat myself to some extra sleep – Sunday Special. But our temple incharge had a different idea. By 5.30 I was woken up by some blaring noises. Oh god....is it Friday and not Sunday I thought. The noise though was different from the regular songs played. Dragging myself to the balcony I just looked towards the temple. Therein was a live show of folk dance performed by artists, praising the goddess. Shutting the doors and windows, I went back to bed. But all efforts to shut the sound failed and I just dragged myself out of the bed to go about with my Sunday duties. 11 o clock and still no sign of them stopping.
All of a sudden another blaring noise was heard. Trying to place the words, I could infer that it is – yes once again – the followers of the politician playing songs praising their leader. Great Sunday indeed. And soon it became a competition of Neeya – Naana (you or me). And the songs praising the politican just sweeped through and emerged victorious in the competition. The folk dance artists just packed up their belongings and moved out. Reaction of the audience was different. One group moved towards the place the songs were played. One group had a frown in their face. They mumbled words against the politician and followed the troupe. Another set heaved a sigh of relief, and went to their home to continute their sunday respite. And the songs went on till late hours of evening.
Well when the question of God or Politican arose...our politician won with the balance tilting to his side in toto. So when importance is given to politician then invariably, the choice of who comes first in order of appearance...it is the politician who won.
There goes my Sunday that was supposed to be lovely.

How thoughtless are we
I have noticed this aspect in many a human being. We tend to find it worthwhile to give gifts as cash or kind to those who have in plenty rather than to those who are in need.

In fact, the richer the receiver is, the costlier is the gift/cash that we give to them. We spend hours in shops to choose an apt gift for the richer class. Breaking our minds as to whether it would deem fit for them. And if it would be fit for their status. All time, effort and penny would just be shunned aside. Why not, for after all what we consider as a great gift is something that might just be a thing worthwhile to be put in the garbage according to them.

But if the receiver is poorer, then we think why waste money on them. And we look out for the least amount that we can afford for them. We feel just gifting a token amount to the needy is by itself a great deed done by us.

But the response shown by them is amazing indeed. That paltry amount given by us is a huge help to them. That is how they consider it. And they are filled with gratitude to us for that action.

A lot is there to think I feel.

Red Flowers

Oh aren't those lovely red flowers
so beautiful, to the earth like foyers
Happily said the little angel
from the heavens high above.

Please dear Father let me go
and admire them, where they grow
pleaded this little angel
eyes filled with excitement and glow.

You wouldn't withstand it my dear
they are not what you see from here
so my dear little angel
do not plead, just to me do hear.

Her face bore a look of sadness
devoid now of the lovely blitheness
wanting that his dear little angel
understand the reality, he let her go.

As she flew down to the earth
she saw the beauty just fading away
mirth lost and hurt was this little angel
for she saw not flowers but blood all way.